Anger

[Stuie]

Well I have been in counseling for a while, and where I started at one point it has lead me to a route cause of ANGER.

Here I am nearly 30, and I still have trouble dealing with anger. I bottle it up, yeah dangerous. I still don't know how to process anger. And apparently I am angry person. Got parent issues, issues with people in my past, issues with myself most of all.

I mean it's one of those things, that i never learned and i always felt that expression of anger is in my mind as unacceptable as screaming at children for no reason.

Lot of things I am dealing with, the problem is you can tell people how to rebuild a engine and they can do it, and others just stare back at like they were just given instructions in Greek.

I mean my natural responses to anger is bottle it up and eat and a couple other self destructive behaviors. Me being a person that has anger issues doesn't mean I am violent. On the contrary, most people get along great with me, I am nice guy as some of you can attest to, but dealing and processing anger is a whole new paradigm for me.

Not sure why I am posting or where this should go. Just thought I would post something I am going through.

[Rani]

Been there, done that. Keeping it all in is exactly my nature.

I found what works most for me is finding a physical outlet. My ex used to sense when I was wound up and wishing I had razor blades at the end of my fingernails and take me dancing. We'd find a place and I'd dance until I was soaked through with sweat. So much I was as wet as if I'd jumped in a pool by the time we left the floor. (Only thing I miss about his ass, by the way.) Hit a workout. No "working on my abs" or "getting in shape" crap. You have to expend energy and let it all out. Heavy bag, turning the music up loud as hell and dancing, batting cage, whatever works. Because the thing is you won't hold it in no matter how much you want to. It's going to come out whether it's alcohol, food, sex, or pegging your speedometer on the freeway at 3:00 a.m. (Now how would I know that? lol........) Find your physical outlet and let it out. It doesn't have to be complicated. My girlfriend takes a baseball bat to the pillows in the bedroom! Anything physical strictly for sanity until it's all come out your pores. Trust me, it will help.

'Rani

[ryno]

Anger is the reason I miss having a drumset. So relieving to just sit down and play the crap out of my drums for hours.

[fineout]

When i was with my ex freshman year i feel like i would get rediculously pissed every other day, and i used to go take a drive down to the beach (i live in RI and go to school at URI the beach is about 5 mins away from school 40 mins away from home)..granted sometimes i would end up pegging my car along and that would feel nice but just the alone time in the car with the music would be calming and i always felt better after that. A few of the times i would go out and do some surfcasting at the beach too...never caught anything though, i think if i did id feel even better.

[Dr. B]

similar to ryno, i lost my outlet.

I used to longboard before i cracked my skull and all that but that was what i did when i got fed up. I would just go skate. I would thrash to the thoughts racing through my head. "Fuck XXXX" led me to slam down on the back of the board and kick the tail out... that kind of thing.

Nowadays I struggle because I don't have a healthy outlet for my anger. I'm not an angry person, so to speak; but I've been known to reach a tipping point and boil over... I donno, I feel like maybe we can use this thread to compile a list of healthy ways to let it all out.

At least I still have my heavy bag, my rap tunes, and a roll of masking tape.

[SuburbanSmoker]

There are a couple good ways to deal with anger. i had some problems when i was younger but contrary to your temperment i was extremely violent.

1. find a release mechanism for your anger. imagine a tea kettle, boiling with water. the water heats up causing steam to the point where it vents out the tip. you need to find that vent. the way i handled it was i would go for a short walk, or go to a place i could be by myself and just take deep breaths, letting it all go with my breathing until i was calm and it was over.
2. enlist some help. if you have a family member, wife, friend, whatever, just having someone who is close enough to you to the point where you wont feel judged confiding in them is all it takes. whenever you start to feel down about something or angry about something give them a call or write an email. it works absolute wonders being able to talk about what is hindering you. sometimes just writing it down is enough of a release to make it all just dissipate like it never happend.
3. get rough and physical. like ryno i am also a drummer and through the worst of times i would beat the shit out of my drum heads. it was my most effective outlet for anger where i could be in my own world. being physical with any constructive activity helps alot being aggression is the primary form of anger, and prevents and instance of rage. possible ideas- spinning, walking, golfing, whatever just be active physically and it will help.
4.figure out what is setting you off, and causing your anger. you can plan accordingly to figure out why things set you off and the best way to try and counteract it. if its a person consider a confrontation with some friends as support. most of the time when people do stupid shit or say stupid shit they dont think of the implications of their actions, esp when they have someone who is a nice guy like yourself. everyone is ignorant to some extent and no one can really read minds, you just need to be upfront, if someone persists leave them in the past.

AND of course if you ever need to vent anything out you know you have this wonderful community of people who watch out for each other (pants optional).

Hope you figure everything out

-SS

[thatonethere]

I know what you mean Stuie. I was just thinking about the exact same thing about myself. The question I keep asking myself is "Why am I so damn angry?" I'm tired of being angry. It wears you down after a while. People always say stupid robotic shit like "stay positive", or "look on the bright side", which only makes matters worse. I get to the point where I'm mad about being mad. My outlets are talking to my significant other, and hip hop. I used to write poetry back in the day, but when I revisited all of my stuff, it was like opening up a book full of demons so they could get back in my body and eat me from the inside out.

When I gave up writing, I decided it was better to eat my emotions and put up walls. This was the road to self destruction. I'll advise you to talk to your wife. Be completely honest and open. Hopefully she will be that way too, and you both can grow out of the experience. It has really worked for me, so maybe it could help someone else.

[Tyler]

Personally I let my anger out playing video games. That's me though but I don't get angry often or have much to be angry about

[Venger]

I have been repressing my anger so long I'm not sure I could do anything else. I haven't cried since I was 12 and I am 46 now. Control was always very important to me. But since I have gotten older I have noticed I don't feel as angry as I once did. Then it occurred to me why.
I stopped letting things become that important. If I got laid off when I was younger I would be pissed, now if something were to happen I would say "not my fault shit happens" and start looking for the next job, there is always another job. I no longer concern myself with the shit I can't control and I discovered the only thing I can control is how I react to a situation. If I control my reaction the situation rarely escalates.
Does that mean I never yell at my kid for doing something stupid or the dog for peeing on the rug,no. But that is just frustration not anger.
I raise my voice sure, but I am not so angry that I want to strike out at them. I am mostly raising my voice for his sake not mine so he knows how serious the situation is. Don't let stuff get you angry, Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive.
Ray

[Balthazar]

Not to say you guys shouldn't continue doing what you feel works for you, but the fact of the matter is that the "catharsis"-hypothesis, or "venting" in laymen terms, has never been proven. In fact, most psychologist agree that venting strategies such as punching a bag (or other agressive methods of catharsis) actually makes the person doing them more worked up, and likely to aggress. I think trying to come to terms with just what it is that angers you is a more fruitful strategy for most people, but then again that's much harder to do.

Best of luck anyways, the fact that you're actually working on your problem is a good sign!

[fineout]

[quote name='Dr. B' date='30 March 2010 - 08:51 AM' timestamp='1269931902' post='460735']
similar to ryno, i lost my outlet.

I used to longboard before i cracked my skull and all that but that was what i did when i got fed up. I would just go skate. I would thrash to the thoughts racing through my head. "Fuck XXXX" led me to slam down on the back of the board and kick the tail out... that kind of thing.

[/quote]

you know, wearing a helmet could have kept your outlet...just saying

[Arcane]

i have a short temper around people i don't like...i'm fairly aggressive in nature...and i'm pretty good at hurting people...

most people try not to piss me off...

[Hippo_Master]

I have a very short temper, yet, unlike you, I unleash it in the form of long strings of profanity. Man, do I get creative, and boy does that shit feel awesome.

[Dr. B]

[quote name='fineout' date='31 March 2010 - 11:48 AM' timestamp='1270054111' post='461007']
[quote name='Dr. B' date='30 March 2010 - 08:51 AM' timestamp='1269931902' post='460735']
similar to ryno, i lost my outlet.

I used to longboard before i cracked my skull and all that but that was what i did when i got fed up. I would just go skate. I would thrash to the thoughts racing through my head. "Fuck XXXX" led me to slam down on the back of the board and kick the tail out... that kind of thing.

[/quote]

you know, wearing a helmet could have kept your outlet...just saying
[/quote]

really? explain to me how. I'm completely unaware of that possibility and feel the need to commend you on your truly worthwhile post...

ass Edited April 6, 2010 by Dr. B

[Travis]

[quote name='Dr. B' date='05 April 2010 - 07:24 PM' timestamp='1270513466' post='462050']
[quote name='fineout' date='31 March 2010 - 11:48 AM' timestamp='1270054111' post='461007']
[quote name='Dr. B' date='30 March 2010 - 08:51 AM' timestamp='1269931902' post='460735']
similar to ryno, i lost my outlet.

I used to longboard before i cracked my skull and all that but that was what i did when i got fed up. I would just go skate. I would thrash to the thoughts racing through my head. "Fuck XXXX" led me to slam down on the back of the board and kick the tail out... that kind of thing.

[/quote]

you know, wearing a helmet could have kept your outlet...just saying
[/quote]

really? explain to me how. I'm completely unaware of that possibility and feel the need to commend you on your truly worthwhile post...

ass
[/quote]

I think you just found your outlet B.....lol

[Dr. B]

it wouldn't be an anger thread without at least one outburst

sorry Fineout. I do know what you meant but I hope you understand if you were referencing the past that it's a trivial statement at best and if you are referencing the future it's... more complicated than that.

[Pretender85]

My outlet is usually playing CoD or just reading a book til i chill out a bit...not really too much of an angry guy though unless i get slighted over something..or when people do dumb things.

[TizaNabi]

Most of the replies are good in that they express the fact that you are not alone. Its terrific the way you described your feelings and emotional attributes, that is more than half the fight, admitting to the fullest an emotional problem. I'm going to explain a theological method for sucsess in helping to change anger. Its brought out in "The Book of Tanya" based on Kabalistic teachings.
The main point is that the soul powers fit the body perfectly. Your head on top,then the throat,then the heart, then the kidneys below. The key law is "The Brain should & always can rule the heart (emotions)." So...why not 100% of the time for a person who learns this daily for years and puts it to practice? The Throat is the problem.The brain is large and all the power of it should overule the heart's emotions, ...but it can't get past the throat, that small thin passageway.(It refers to Egypt).To "go out of Egypt" and let logic say "this is the 19th diaper I've changed this morning, you use the brain to say "and you, did you never soil your diaper? Am I going to wallop this baby because I'm angry?". So you use the throat and actually in a low voice say to yourself with all your being "Am I going to act like an animal or a human and use my freedom to choose?" It will enter the heart and diliberate in the kidneys. You could also voice a prayer if you want.
Each person was born with a good nature and bad natural attributes. Some people are so calm they never had to vanquish their anger since they never had that given fault.So, what have they actually done? This doesn't mean he is better. If you manage to control your anger once out of 20 times, you might be the real hero. Next month try for 2 out of 20.etc. Its meant to be a lifelong job,but it is what makes us human and not animals.

[matias]

I used to be a "bottle up then long down the way explode" kind of person. I learnt to express my frustrations as they happen, when they still are slight (or not so slight). Letting go in this way means I get past things much quicker, I do not have bottled up frustrations (well, there still are unresolved issues but they don't nag me as I feel I have exposed my point of view and can move on) and, very importantly, it means reactions are linked to their cause, in the sense that people can easily understand what caused the reaction because it is stillñ fresh. It doesn't mean they agree but at least it is not like before, when I would explode for reasons that seemed trivial, while actually it was only a last straw thing.

[Kakokeko]

When I was younger I used to be really explosive, at the point that I would end up speechless, breathless, and afterwards I would have a headache for days.[img]http://www.hookahforum.com/public/style_emoticons/default/dash1.gif[/img]

[bellydancerakn]

I imagine killing the person pissing me off in the most painful and creative way possible, which is why i have a giant grin on my face. And then I go home and call my ex, now best friend, and rant and bitch. An then he'll distract me my telling me all this intresting/boring/useless info he's learning in college, and since he is pre-med he has a lot of intresting/boring/useless info in his head.

[agunn1231]

i have crazy anger issues....i just keep it inside, and i'm aware of it. which is good, i guess.....i'm glad to see that i'm not the only person who keeps anger all bottled up....i'm trying to work on it though.

[joytron]

i hope you guys dont drive to work when i do

[agunn1231]

[quote name='joytron' date='11 May 2010 - 07:37 PM' timestamp='1273631831' post='467675']
i hope you guys dont drive to work when i do
[/quote]


i can't even find a job man. but i see where you're coming from with that. Personally, i try not to let people drivin crazy get under my skin....it used to. but any more not so much....other anger issues though. oh man....