PSU Smoker Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 Ok so me and my Gf met around mid to end of July in the summer...after about 2 weeks of hanging out we were basically together but not official because her past boy friends had comitment issues and she couldnt really trust guys. Anywho I finally convinced her to make it offical and we have been going out officially for 4 months-ish. When we got together I was still a student at Penn State and we were basically inseparateble, we hung out 24/7 for the most part drinking and smoking hookah, and NHT for that matter. But as i went on I found out I couldn't really take the party atmosphere of PSU and I wanted to persue my dream of becoming a chef so I dropped out and enrolled in culinary school. When I left PSU neither of us wanted me to go but that didnt really matter...we were both incredibly sad but we delt with the distance and visited each other over breaks and everything seemed to be going fine. And again when i visited PSU in the first month of the semester she was super psyched to see and it was tears when I left. Then the trouble began i guess. Out of nowhere she tells me she wants to be in an open relationship because its too hard being apart but she still wants to be Bf/Gf when I visit. So i hesitantly said yes to her against what i really wanted. But i really loved her at this point and wanted her to be happy, after about an hour of being depressed over this fact I called her and told her i didnt want an open relationship cause I'm not that kind of guy and she instantly said that if i didnt want it it was fine but I could tell at that point she really did want it. So I said it would be best to take a break for a week or two and we can both figure out what we really want. Later that night she calls me a million times sobbing so i finally answer and she tells me all she wants is me and she doesnt want an open relationship and she just wants to be back together with me. So I said ok and everything was really good again for a week or so. Then as time went on it seemed like when we'd talk on the phone which was 1+ times a day shed be really distracted with talking to other people and doing other things like reading textsfromlastnight instead of talking to me. then I was supposed to come up for valentines day but that got snowed out so I went up last weekend. When i got there she was excited to see but not nearly as much as she used to be. We hung out some but shed had some other obligations so i hung out with my frat brothers as well. But when we were together it seemed as if she barely wanted anything to do with me...I practically had to force her to kiss me by annoying her to death. When I left it was a hug, a peck on the lips and a drive safe...no tears, no ill miss you soo much, just be safe. Oh and there has also been this thing going on recently where she always asks if we ever break up if she can still call me and talk about her problems cause im the best at making her feel better and such. Its almost every week a new if we break up can we still do this or that thing. And our friends are dating and they are that couple that will def get married and they've always said we'd be the god parents since me and my GF were always the couple that was going to get married when i was still at PSU. And now she asks if we can still be the godparents if we arent together... So im laying in bed wondering what im supposed to do. It seems to me as if she really isnt into me anymore. But I also realize she is having a hard time because her roomate is a total bitch and doing terrible nasty things behind her back. Do I talk to her about this now even tho she is having a hard time or do I wait and see if it passes? what does it seem like to everyone else (even tho i realize this is totally biased from my pov). any thought suggestions or experience would be much appreciated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSU Smoker Posted February 25, 2010 Author Share Posted February 25, 2010 Oh in addition I should prob add she is in a sorority so she is always hanging out with other guys and her sisters on the weekend. IMO and from experience she is pretty promiscuous when she is drunk not that i think she would really cheat on me but i honestly wouldn't put making out with other guys past her. Also she has a problem with realizing when other guys are flirting with her and cutting it off or at least saying she has a BF...this has happened infront of my face before and I've been the one who has had to pull the guy to the said and tell him to not hit on her and she gets pissed saying he wasnt hitting on her and just being friendly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hookahthis Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 personally i would cut the strings... if you can be friends with her good for you, but obviously there isnt that connection any more. instead of spending all this energy on something that is not going as good as you want, you could be using it to meet someone new that makes you feel just as good or even better maybe...? i know this all easier said than done and this is just my oppinion ultimatley you know how you feel and what you want. i know personally its hard to say goodbye and i've spent plenty of sleepless nights thinking about the one i lost or let go but i also know how much fun meeting someone new is and i like that feeling more than the constany wonder and doubt that your feeling now. again just my two cents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 As much as I know it will hurt (you're obviously hurting already) I think it'd be best to let her go. People can grow apart from each other, and that sounds like what happened here. Sounds like she's not as serious as she once was. I had a gf like this back in the day... flirtatious as hell. It ended because of that. She fooled around with other guys, and I think that's probably what's happening here from what you've said. My personal opinion is let her go and continue being casual friends. Honestly, I would NOT continue listening to her problems if you do decide to break it off... Four months is not really a long time. You really haven't invested much time into the relationship like I have with my four year relationship. Four years is worth trying to save, but four months is not, in my opinion. I can tell you're not going to end up happy so why keep investing your time? Get back out there and live life and let go of your worries, I say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rani Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 The boys are giving you good advice. Painful though it might seem at the moment, it's time to distance yourself. Think about the fact that you're probably going to live on this earth another 60 or more years. How much of it are you willing to spend staring at the ceiling unhappy and stressing about this one relationship in a lifetime of relationships? Because there will be more. Spending time in one that isn't working is eating up time and keeping both you and her from the one that does. 'Rani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hookahthis Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 keep us posted on what you decide to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allstar Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 I agree with everyone above. I am in the military and have had to deal with issues like this before while I was deployed. You need to run, it will only hurt worse in the future. What I have noticed in situations like this is the following. She is starting to feel that independence, which isn't a bad thing, but she needs to be able to embrace the fact of having you around when you are there. Her thoughts are probably at the point of feeling smothered. Though you aren't doing that to her it is just a different dynamic in the long distance relationship. Like I said RUN. Keep us posted, best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcane Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 at first, i wanted to suggest the whole taking a break from each other thing again....however, thinking back at all the shit i've been through....fuck it and fuck her (fuck her friends too....if you're lucky! haha...jk) imo, decide whether you want to try and work it out and get it to the way you want....or decide that all this bs isn't worth it. because imo, sometimes shit isn't worth it no matter how much you care for this person. when you've made the former decision, then come out with it....tell her whats bothering you. if you're not getting any concern or understanding, most likely there's something else that has her attention. it's better to let go now, than try to hold on to a broken relationship. trust me...i just got done going through the same thing and i wish i had someone smashing me over the head with the advice i'm giving you. or you could call her and just say you're done. that's twice she's been less than acceptable...open relationship? now, not giving you attention after an extended absence? ok, i'm kinda rambling....and starting to think about all the dumb shit i put up with in my last relationship. fuck that bitch....get yourself someone worth a damn... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hojo Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 Just got out of this situation, and am kind of still in it. Basically, this girl and I never dated because she was not over her last boyfriend and didn't think it would be fair to me to be with me. She thought it WOULD be fair to me to hang out with this guy all the time, go on trips with him (just the two of them alone), and when I wasn't there (we were an hour apart) to hang out with him "because she missed me and didn't want to be alone," which is the shittiest logic ever. Basically, I told her I was sick of it when she spent New Year's Eve alone in her apartment with this guy while I was 1000 miles away on a vacation I was dragged to, and almost called off completely so I could be with her. Nothing happened between them, I trust that, but I still felt it should have been MY place and he was the stand-in boyfriend when I couldn't be there. Not cool. She asked if we could be in a "casual" relationship. I finally sacked up and told her flat-out no, that I was looking for something serious and if she couldn't give that to me then we were done. We're done, but trying the whole "friends" thing. It's working alright so far. Then along comes this girl whom I've had a crush on and who has had a crush on me for a while now. Basically, this girl is perfect. No ex-boyfriends in the picture, easy to talk to and hang out with, she can hang out with my friends (my friends hated this other girl), and she can take my bullshit and dirty jokes and fling them right back. She's fucking awesome. We're taking things slow, and I daresay it is the first time I have been in/tried to get into a "normal" relationship in quite some time. It feels WEIRD to think that this is how things are supposed to be and I've been doing it wrong for so long. So my advice to you, as someone who was just in a similar situation, is to not settle. You may love this girl, you may have feelings for her, but you shouldn't sacrifice what YOU want out of the relationship for her sake, especially if she isn't making the same sacrifices for you. It will only hurt you in the long run to want more emotionally than she is willing to give, and you may be quite surprised by what you can find close to you. There is a girl somewhere who wants exactly what you want and will complement you perfectly, and honestly you are wasting your time trying to make things work when she isn't. Good luck, man. It isn't easy, but you deserve better. It seems like you are doing everything you can for this girl who isn't reciprocating the effort/commitment, and there are girls who would KILL to have someone put half as much effort into a relationship as you have been, and will appreciate it so much more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venger Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 trust me after 46 years on this planet i know what I am talking about. she sounds very needy. The kind of person who just can't be alone and will cling to the nearest warm body. You do not need that kind of drama in your life. That behavior never changes and she will be doing your friend when you have to go out of town. I had a girlfriend like that along time ago. Went on a vacation with some friends and she said we had to talk when I got back. well I was hurt sure but after a little mourning I got over it.had a few more girlfriends a few more heart breaks. That was 19 years and a seventeen year old son ago. You will find the right person for you. I did. It might be tomorrow or like me you might be almost 30 when it happens but it will. Don't force life or love. Don't always be a boat chugging upstream. sometimes be the leaf that floats where ever the stream takes it. you will be surprised who you meet and where you end up. Enjoy Life. Well thats enough talk from the old man. Ray 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A13lackFish Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 "Then the trouble began i guess. Out of nowhere she tells me she wants to be in an open relationship because its too hard being apart but she still wants to be Bf/Gf when I visit. So i hesitantly said yes to her against what i really wanted." That above is where you went wrong. Should have cut the ties then. I have an EX who still goes to PSU who was the same way "can we talk even if we break up"... generally this isnt worth it, it only makes you feel worse and overall you should try to move onto something new and away from that. Sorority girls have nothing to do with it, its still her decision on what she wants to do and she wanted something open. (im in a fraternity myself and the girl im seeing is in a sorority, both of us are faithful to the pindrop) I think mainly the issue was distance, im sorry to hear that shit went down that way but serious get away from it, and dont look back, call to check up, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScotsman Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 No hope for that one. From on od-timers point of view, I have seen that same scenario over, and over... it never ends well... never. She sounds like a pain in the balls to deal with, doesn't really sound like she has a clue what she wants beyond having some guy pour attention on her. (and we all know the [u]only[/u] reason a sub-30 male pours attention on a female, don't we?) Moreover, if you salvaged this wreck, just where do you expect it to go? can you imagine yourself at 35, or 40, still dealing with this behavior? Just be aware, it's not ever going to change, no matter how much you try to "fix" her screwed up thought process. If you don't think you can deal with it then, it's time! you owe her, and yourself, a look at harsh reality. Or you can go on, try to build a life, to one day come home from work and find the pool boy in the bedroom. I guess it's your choice. Might want to start a lawyer-savings account to pay for the problems you are going to have if you continue down the track to self-destruction with her. I guess the question, more simply put, is are you willing to share? If yes, then you can continue to bang your head against this wall. If no, then it's time to pop smoke, and di-di. But if you do, don't be a fool, and take/make contact, it's only going to cause you more grief. Sorry to sound like an unsympathetic asre, but it seems to be my natural condition... or so I have been told. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rani Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 [quote name='Hojo' date='24 February 2010 - 11:13 PM' timestamp='1267082028' post='453632'] Just got out of this situation, and am kind of still in it. Basically, this girl and I never dated because she was not over her last boyfriend and didn't think it would be fair to me to be with me. She thought it WOULD be fair to me to hang out with this guy all the time, go on trips with him (just the two of them alone), and when I wasn't there (we were an hour apart) to hang out with him "because she missed me and didn't want to be alone," which is the shittiest logic ever. Basically, I told her I was sick of it when she spent New Year's Eve alone in her apartment with this guy while I was 1000 miles away on a vacation I was dragged to, and almost called off completely so I could be with her. Nothing happened between them, I trust that, but I still felt it should have been MY place and he was the stand-in boyfriend when I couldn't be there. Not cool. She asked if we could be in a "casual" relationship. I finally sacked up and told her flat-out no, that I was looking for something serious and if she couldn't give that to me then we were done. We're done, but trying the whole "friends" thing. It's working alright so far. Then along comes this girl whom I've had a crush on and who has had a crush on me for a while now. Basically, this girl is perfect. No ex-boyfriends in the picture, easy to talk to and hang out with, she can hang out with my friends (my friends hated this other girl), and she can take my bullshit and dirty jokes and fling them right back. She's fucking awesome. We're taking things slow, and I daresay it is the first time I have been in/tried to get into a "normal" relationship in quite some time. It feels WEIRD to think that this is how things are supposed to be and I've been doing it wrong for so long. So my advice to you, as someone who was just in a similar situation, is to not settle. You may love this girl, you may have feelings for her, but you shouldn't sacrifice what YOU want out of the relationship for her sake, especially if she isn't making the same sacrifices for you. It will only hurt you in the long run to want more emotionally than she is willing to give, and you may be quite surprised by what you can find close to you. There is a girl somewhere who wants exactly what you want and will complement you perfectly, and honestly you are wasting your time trying to make things work when she isn't. Good luck, man. It isn't easy, but you deserve better. It seems like you are doing everything you can for this girl who isn't reciprocating the effort/commitment, and there are girls who would KILL to have someone put half as much effort into a relationship as you have been, and will appreciate it so much more. [/quote] Congratulations HoJo...... The key to what you've said is that you've pointed out a fact most people never get to. Good relationships aren't painful. They may have rough spots but they don't have an overall atmosphere of pain, confusion or stress. Good relationships enrich your life, give you your best friend, and help you grow with the trust and love given to you. If that's not what you're getting then it's time to move on because you both deserve a good relationship, don't you? Listen to this man..... He said it better than any of us. 'Rani 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSU Smoker Posted February 25, 2010 Author Share Posted February 25, 2010 Alright guys thanks for all of your advice and input it has really helped me out, esp in realizing how I feel about the whole situation. I'll keep you posted on what happens with the whole thing but i think im def cutting the strings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venger Posted February 25, 2010 Share Posted February 25, 2010 Good man,plenty of fish in the sea and all that other Dad crap I tell my son. Ray Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSU Smoker Posted February 26, 2010 Author Share Posted February 26, 2010 Ok, well I just finished talking to my gf (well ex) and it went surprising well...better than I was hoping for. Basically she felt the same way I did about the situation and we both felt as if we had went from being Bf and Gf over the past few weeks to just being best friends. So we are no longer together but are still best friends with each other and there are no hard feelings on either side. If its meant to be in then it will happen again in the future when the time is right and if not then we are just friends. Thanks again to everyone for all the thoughts and support in this decision. -Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joytron Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 [color=#A0522D][font=verdana][font="Verdana"]She broke down and let me in Made me see where I've been Been down one time Been down two times I'm never going back again You don't know what it means to win Come down and see me again Been down one time Been down two times I'm never going back again[/font][/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thecoalition Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 imo she's cheating. or at least has the ready to...had it happen to me. distance makes the heart grow fonder my ass! (bitter a little still) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acolorado Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Buy a Fleshlite and bookmark Pornhub.com You can smoke the hookah 24/7 with no one complaining and... Less stress, more money, and much more sex with the person you love most! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cheng Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 [quote name='acolorado' date='02 March 2010 - 11:28 AM' timestamp='1267529281' post='454771'] Buy a Fleshlite and bookmark Pornhub.com You can smoke the hookah 24/7 with no one complaining and... Less stress, more money, and much more sex with the person you love most! [/quote] ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! I just googled "Fleshlite" hahahha. PSU, good luck to you. Smoke s few bowls and maybe take acolorado's advice? lol. Na you will find a new girl and get over your ex soon enough. Keep smoking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelatin Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I'm jumping on the "cut and run" bandwagon. I did the distance relationship for two years (first year she was studying abroad in Thailand, second year she was about 1500 miles away - Arizona / Missouri) but eventually it had to end for similar reasons. I ended that relationship on the grounds that both of us actually needed to be out enjoying what we were doing, hanging out with people, etc, not sitting on the phone wishing we could be together. It also sounds like even if circumstances allowed you to move back tomorrow, she wouldn't be that excited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSU Smoker Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 (edited) i think im not gonna go with the fleshlight...those things just creep me out. Also i assume they dont clean themselves.... Edited March 5, 2010 by PSU Smoker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigtoepfer Posted March 9, 2010 Share Posted March 9, 2010 i know this is old now but i just had to add. . . . haha fleshlight. that is all. edit.. I think this would have been best suited if i had caught this the first day... [img]http://img.moronail.net/img/6/5/1465.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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