Chreees Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Okay, so I've always been interested in writing up movie reviews, but have just never gotten around to it. Well, I think it's time I get to it. So, this thread will serve as my place to post reviews of movies I watch. I've been watching a TON of movies on my night shifts at work. I'll try to post a review for each one I watch. So here's how it's going to work... This won't be complicated at all. This is the format I wish to use: [u][b]MOVIE TITLE[/b][/u] Trailer link IMDB Link My thoughts... Score. Okay. Now here's how the score works. On a scale of 1-5, with 1 being the lowest, 5 the highest: 1. If it's absolute shit, I'll say it's Hookah-Hookah. 2. If it's eh, it's Starbuzz. 3. If it's decent, it's Al Fakher. 4. If it's pretty good, it's Nakhla. 5. If it's really good and I recommend you seeing it, then it's Tangiers. You may not agree with my hookah-themed movie rating system, but you can just suck it and go cry in a corner in the fetal position (I keed, I keed). It's what I'll be using. Still here? Good. Glad you've decided to stick with me. Here's the first review. [u] [b]THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE: FIRST SEQUENCE[/b][/u] Trailer: [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0piFZXT8Zxo"]http://www.youtube.c...h?v=0piFZXT8Zxo[/url] IMDB: [url="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1467304/"]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1467304/[/url] Okay, first of all, I'm eating a burrito while I type this review. For a few days after I watched this movie, it was hard for me to eat at all. I've been constantly thinking about it, over and over in my head. It's a movie that sticks with you, even if you really don't want it to. And trust me, you don't. This came to mind when watching this movie: "I'll know it when I see it." -Justice Potter Stewart, regarding obscenity in the Jacobellis vs. Ohio 1964 case. This movie is THE definition of obscene, in my opinion. Worse than any of the Saw movies. Storyline: This storyline is just fucked up. Period. It is made up by director Tom Six. He got the idea from a statement he once made regarding a child molester- that their mouth should be stitched to the butt of a fat truck driver as punishment. Well, what you get in this movie, is way beyond that, as you can tell if you watched the trailer. It's the story of a retired, demented, German surgeon who specialized in the separation of Siamese twins. He ain't separating anymore. He's attaching. In the grossest way you can possibly imagine. This movie seems to make a statement about the Nazi doctors who would perform sick surgical experiments to the prisoners in the internment camps. Many have related the main character, Dr. Hieter, to Josef Mengele, who was an infamous Nazi doctor in one of these camps. Either way, it being set in Germany, and involving what it does, seems to have something to say about this history. Not sure if that's what the director intended, though. What he did intend, however, is to gross you the hell out. He didn't have to try much. Just the basic content of the movie is enough. But he makes it pretty damn gross. Note: Do not eat ANYTHING while watching this movie. Overall, the story is not at all elaborate and is kinda corny, actually- two girls break down in the woods, happen upon a house... you get what I'm saying. It's been used over and over again. But never before has movie gone this far with that simple little over-used concept. So... basic storyline, with not really much in the way of surprises. This movie is simply made to gross you out as much as possible. Acting: Subpar, at best, overall. The girls really aren't that great. The Japanese guy is okay. Dieter Laser, however, will give you bumps on your skin and your hair will raise up on the back on your neck. His acting is chillingly scary. I feel he was the best thing this movie had in it. Quality of movie: This movie was well done, considering the content of it. It moved along pretty well, the editing cuts were nicely done, and the suspense was there even though it was mostly predictable and you knew what was going to happen. It kept you on the edge of your seat. It had you cringing at the images, but you still had to watch. Overall: This movie is fucking disgusting. But it keeps you intrigued. We know they get turned into the centipede. But we wanna know what [i]happens[/i] to the centipede. That is the only real value this movie had. The things you see in this film will not be unseen, so beware if you're easily upset by such things. I felt sick to my stomach during and after the movie. I keep thinking about it, and it bothers me. But I guess I'm glad I watched it. In my opinion, the more sick gross shit you watch, the more you can handle in real life. But anyway, it's a really odd movie for me, because while it was just ridiculously nasty, it still gripped me and kept me watching. I want to address the whole "100% Medically Accurate" thing. It is not. Plain and simple. First of all, guy on front swallows the food. He obtains necessary nutrition. He poops it into girl in the middle. She doesn't get those nutrients. Girl on the back? Well, she's just really fucked. I saw a youtube video of a professional doctor who stated other reasons why this simply could never work, but this whole nutrients thing stuck out most to me. Rating: I'm going with Al Fakher on this one. Cause although it's gross and will likely make you puke and maybe even have nightmares (I haven't yet), it isn't a total piece of crap (no pun intended). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 You guys can comment on this, haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coyote Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I watched this movie. Its was one of the most, if not THE MOST, disturbing movies I have ever seen in my life. I have seen a lot of horror movies... even been to a few horror conventions. This one accomplishes HORROR no doubt. Others just are kinda sick and twisted. It took me over a month to stop having flashbacks about it on a daily bases. I'm really grossed out even writing about it. [img]http://www.hookahforum.com/public/style_emoticons/default/puke.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EAK1791 Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 (edited) Honestly, I didn't think it was that terrible. I found it almost a little bit funny. Yes, it was disgusting, but I guess I've seen worse. It wasn't so much in the horror movie category for me as it was in a "shock movie". Maybe I've just been desensitized to the stuff, but I'd say that the Saw series is much more horrifying and shocking. Edited April 4, 2011 by EAK1791 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 Really? I think this was worse than Saw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezxen Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 you never go ass to mouth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Okay, just finished watching this one... [u][b]BATTLE: LOS ANGELES[/b][/u] Trailer: [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9otTzrO9Bfw"]http://www.youtube.c...h?v=9otTzrO9Bfw[/url] IMDB: [url="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217613/"]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1217613/[/url] Storyline: Okay, so this movie gives you the story of aliens invading Earth, basically. In this movie, however, it is shown from the point of view of a Marine Corps squad, and their mission is to rescue civilians from the LA Police Department. I felt that the storyline was pretty solid; I can't think of another alien invasion movie off the top of my head that gave this perspective or "side of the story" or "thing to focus on." It's intense at times, good action, shit being blown up left and right. It moves along pretty good, doesn't really get boring. Acting: Acting was superb. I mean, you have some pretty big-name actors in it- Aaron Eckhart and Michelle Rodriguez, mainly. Acting was good, no complaints there. Quality of movie: Excellent. The explosions seemed real, when people died it seemed real, the aliens and their ships seemed real. What more could you want? They defintely had a big budget for this film. Overall: Overall, this film was good. I enjoyed it. I think they did a good job with it and I can't really think of much else they could've done with it from the "Marines' story" of the invasion. But, for alien invasion movies, I still think there are better ones out there- Independence Day. Rating: I'm going with Nakhla on this one, as while I liked it and it was pretty good, it's not one of those that you gotta see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichaelLCP Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 I loved battle la. Wasn't expecting much before going in. But the movie was fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezxen Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 [quote name='MichaelLCP' timestamp='1302406813' post='504895'] I loved battle la. Wasn't expecting much before going in. But the movie was fantastic. [/quote] that how i felt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 [u][b]DEATH RACE[/b][/u] Trailer: [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdwH5kMDtMY"]http://www.youtube.c...h?v=fdwH5kMDtMY[/url] IMDB: [url="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452608/"]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452608/[/url] Storyline: This storyline is awesome. Take the gladiators of ancient Rome, and modernize it. The economy has gone to shit, and crime is at an all-time high, so the prisons are now owned by corporations that find a way to make profit off of the inmates. For Terminal Island, it's Death Race. This movie is very interesting, I think. The concept is a very good one. I also like how the main character, played by Jason Statham, was setup and is now in this prison. He must race to gain his freedom. I got sucked in immediately and was rooting for him to win and get out. I soon found out that it wasn't going to be very easy for him, though. The obstacles he must overcome and the end of the movie were just great. I loved it. VERY solid storyline. Acting: Acting is superb. Some very well-known actors who you know are gonna be great, but some that I didn't recognize but were also just as great. No complaints. Overall: This movie is excellent. I loved it, and I believe you will too. Rating: This one gets a Tangiers for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 [u][b]DEATH RACE 2[/b][/u] Trailer: [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=660do4WasVk"]http://www.youtube.c...h?v=660do4WasVk[/url] IMDB: [url="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1500491/"]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1500491/[/url] Storyline: The is actually a prequel to the first Death Race, which was a pleasant (and refreshing) surprise. It shows us how Carl Lucas becomes Frankenstein, the guy who dies at the beginning of the first film. I found this to be a very interesting approach for a sequel. It backs things up to a little more of a "testing phase," where they don't have Death Race quite yet, but instead have Death Match, where the prisoners kill each other in hand-to-hand combat. This serves as the television show for entertainment. The Death Race idea isn't even mentioned until like the middle of the film. This gives some interesting backstory to how Death Race begins, and also explains the mystery that is Frankenstein. A lot of the same characters return that were in the first one, such as Lists and 14K. But there's new, interesting characters in this one as well. Storyline for a prequel was pretty solid, but I still liked the first one better for some reason. This one certain parts seemed a bit corny. Also, why were the same cars and weapons used for this one? Took away a lot of the suspense and whatnot. I mean, things should've changed a good bit from the period of time between the beginning of Frankenstein and then when he dies and Statham takes over... Acting: Not as good as the first one, but pretty good. Some corny parts, I thought. The lead guy, Luke Goss, didn't appeal to me as strongly as Jason Statham did in the first one. I kept comparing them for some reason, even though I knew I shouldn't. I guess I was comparing their acting skills? Statham definitely wins. I was just slightly disappointed at times. Overall: This movie is great if you're interested in finding out how Death Race started (and no it wasn't Hennessy who created it). Also if you wanna know more about Frankenstein and how he came to be. But that's about it. The first one is still better overall in the storyline departement and in the acting department. Rating: Nakhla. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 [u][b]SAW V[/b][/u] Trailer: [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00cHLr90SgA"]http://www.youtube.c...h?v=00cHLr90SgA[/url] IMDB: [url="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1132626/"]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1132626/[/url] Storyline: I actually really liked the story on this one. I went into this movie feeling like "Oh, it's gonna suck because it's a sequel and they're just drawing this shit out as much as possible." Quite the opposite. Jigsaw may be dead, but he's got someone to carry on his legacy. And then there's this other man on his trail. I won't say anymore. But I feel like they did a good job with it. One thing I really like about these movies are the flashbacks, where we see WHY things happen. They give you little by little, and it all fits together like a puzzle, and you go "ohhhhh." Pretty neat. Not many movies do that. Acting: Acting in this one was quite good. I'd say Mark Hoffman was a little eh, I wasn't too crazy about him. But overall acting was good. Quality of movie: Very good. I like the style of editing, the lighting used... it all just works. Overall: Overall, I suggest you see this movie if you're a fan of the Saw movies. I still like the original one best, it mindfucked me the most, but these sequels they're popping out are still of good quality. Great horror movies, I think. Some of the best. Rating: I give this one a Nakhla. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 [u][b]INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL[/b][/u] Trailer: [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwBoXJ-eYvk"]http://www.youtube.c...h?v=VwBoXJ-eYvk[/url] IMDB: [url="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367882/"]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367882/[/url] Indiana Jones and the Film They Shouldn't Have Made... is what this should have been called. Storyline: Okay. It took 18 years for this movie to be made. It should have been better, I think. I really wish they had just left it alone. I got really pumped for this one, even went to the midnight showing of it. Everyone left disappointed it seemed. I wouldn't say it outright sucked. There were parts I liked. But there were parts I hated. So, story... Aliens? Oh, I'm sorry... INTER-DIMENSIONAL BEINGS. I actually like the way they explained the "beings." But I can understand why so many hated it. I guess people were like, "Indiana Jones and aliens? Lame." Well, let's take a moment here to think about the previous films. They had some unrealistic stuff in them, too. The Ark of the Covenant? The Holy Grail? But I guess since many Christians could relate to that stuff, they accepted it. But aliens was a bit harder for them to accept. I think the one thing that kills this film is its corniness. It definitely doesn't help the alien factor. There's just way too many "easter eggs" to the previous films, and they put too much emphasis on certain things. It just felt... well, all I can think of is corny. So... I wish they hadn't gone with the "inter-dimensional beings" storyline, but since they did, I don't think they could've done it much better. Acting: Acting is good, just as good as any of the previous ones I think. I really don't have any complaints. Quality of movie: Good. It has this "old film" feel to it. I kinda liked it, but at the same time felt they were trying too hard to make it look "retro." I don't really know how to explain it... Special effects? Good, as always... You know Spielberg and Lucas own that department. They're just bad about making sequels. Overall: I was really excited they were bringing Indy back for another adventure, but this one is kinda like a slap in the face to the original trilogy. The corniness is my main complaint. It's just like the episodes I, II, and III of Star Wars. They were no where as good as the original trilogy. IMO, Lucas and Spielberg should've left Indy at the end of Last Crusade, riding into the sunset... as it was meant to be. Rating: I'm going to give this one an Al Fakher. You'll probably want to keep Indy's image untarnished in your mind by having just watched the original trilogy. But if you're into aliens or think you might find the storyline interesting, give it a go. It's not a total piece of crap if you can look past the corny parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vendetta_revived Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 (edited) [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSBQJaI1Rfs[/media] Edited April 16, 2011 by vendetta_revived Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 [quote name='vendetta_revived' timestamp='1302958328' post='505606'] [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSBQJaI1Rfs[/media] [/quote] Yep, pretty much sums it up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorlyfish Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Please review Never Say Never next. Travis asked me to ask you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coleman Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 HAHAHHA! I remember death race (not so much the movie but what happened the day i watched it. I was over at a friends house, and me and his family were watching it. The movie begins and I fall asleep (just wasnt interested in it). I wake up right in the middle of the movie rip some major ass (quiet smelly) roll over, laugh and then go back to sleep. that is it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 [quote name='jorlyfish' timestamp='1302974905' post='505643'] Please review Never Say Never next. Travis asked me to ask you. [/quote] How about he watches it and tells me about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorlyfish Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 [quote name='INCUBUSRATM' timestamp='1303013755' post='505709'] [quote name='jorlyfish' timestamp='1302974905' post='505643'] Please review Never Say Never next. Travis asked me to ask you. [/quote] How about he watches it and tells me about it. [/quote] He's seen it at least 8 times in the theater... I think he wants to hear what you have to say though. (he's too shy to admit this) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agunn1231 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 how about you review the knock off of Death Race. it's called Death Racers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EAK1791 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Or Death Race 2000? Its an old 70's movie, and has nothing to do with the new Death Race movies, but its hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 I might look into it... Gonna try and finish the Saw movies first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allstar Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 How about some good indie movies, like SLC Punk, Groove, Greenstreet Hooligans...etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 Damn, I can only watch so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allstar Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Sorry didn't see you still playing catch up on Saw. I love them all. Well you need to get ahead of everything so you can see the new hangover, harry potter, and twilight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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