Chreees Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Hello. I am looking for a hookah butler. The requirements are as follows: -Must be knowledgeable in hookah (obviously), and most importantly you must know how to pack Tangiers in a Tangiers phunnel bowl. -Must know proper heat management. -Must be able to judge when new coals should be lit. -Must have steady hands to remove old coals and place the new ones on the bowl. Many years of masturbation have given me the shakes, unfortunately. -Must be available at all times of the day and night, for whenever I decide to smoke. This means you will have to live in my one-bedroom apartment. -Must be okay with living in a cozy walk-in closet. You will be locked in it at night time so you cannot kill me in my sleep. Also when I am away from home. You will have a makeshift bed, fridge (no microwave), and AM radio. Oh, and a pot to piss in. -Must be able to adequately defend my hookahs and all hookah supplies (including coals) from the coal gnomes. If you have never battled coal gnomes before, don't bother applying for the job. They are nasty creatures and only an expert can take them down. I am skilled in the trade, but tired of fighting them, hence why you will have to do it. I would hire ferocious beasts to guard my hookah, but then that would mean I'd have to pay more than one person... fuck that. Pay will be tree fiddy per hour. I look forward to your applications. Thank you, Chreees 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainUM Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 if i am living in your one bedroom apartment, do i get to be the biggest spoon? im already assuming you are the big spoon normally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fineout Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 chris is usually the small spoon, therefore dibs on extra big spoon on his gf 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryno Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Email I could attach a resume too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryno Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 [quote name='fineout' timestamp='1320813008' post='530868'] chris is usually the small spoon, therefore dibs on extra big spoon on his gf [/quote] [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJYxCSXjhLI"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJYxCSXjhLI[/url] 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dizzbizz Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 +1 for Rejected Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vendetta_revived Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 +2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S3cretz Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 + 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted November 9, 2011 Author Share Posted November 9, 2011 Big spoon... always. I'm totally serious here, you guise. Ryan- a resume would be great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuie Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Three Fifty is a little cheap. $400/hr instead sign me up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainUM Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 [quote name='Chreees' timestamp='1320848136' post='530906'] Big spoon... always. I'm totally serious here, you guise. Ryan- a resume would be great! [/quote] thuper therial here, guythhhhh im the biggest spoon. this is my deal breaker. the offer of one sausage biscuit still stands, too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichaelLCP Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Where do I send my resume? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted December 3, 2011 Author Share Posted December 3, 2011 [quote name='MichaelLCP' timestamp='1320868692' post='530962'] Where do I send my resume? [/quote] Post it here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhineholt Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 AHHHH DEJA VUUUUU I LIKE ONLY CLASSY PORN EMPLOYERSSS AHHHH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted December 4, 2011 Author Share Posted December 4, 2011 Who the hell cares about classy porn?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Crafted Posted December 4, 2011 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Seeing as I am the first REAL female to inquire about the open position it should go to me. Plus, i am the little spoon. -blushes- :3 tree fiddy ani't so bad.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 I was not pleased with any of the applicants thus far. Position still available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichaelLCP Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 [quote name='Chreees' timestamp='1330503284' post='540929'] I was not pleased with any of the applicants thus far. Position still available. [/quote] I will do anything for this job. anything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 [quote name='MichaelLCP' timestamp='1330513707' post='540934'] [quote name='Chreees' timestamp='1330503284' post='540929'] I was not pleased with any of the applicants thus far. Position still available. [/quote] I will do anything for this job. anything... [/quote] I can't have anybody named Michael, because I can't yell at a Michael. It's because I love ya too damn much, Michael, that I could never yell at anyone named Michael, because everytime I would yell at Michael the Butler I would think of you. Oh yeah, this position requires you to take verbal abuse and/or slight physical abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryno Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Are pants required? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuie Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Got my uniform, Chris. After you see you can't turn me down.... [img]http://i40.tinypic.com/n4w8at.jpg[/img] 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted February 29, 2012 Author Share Posted February 29, 2012 [quote name='ryno' timestamp='1330536340' post='540953'] Are pants required? [/quote] No. Actually, they are not preferred. [quote name='Stuie' timestamp='1330537692' post='540955'] Got my uniform, Chris. After you see you can't turn me down.... [img]http://i40.tinypic.com/n4w8at.jpg[/img] [/quote] AWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH! Stuie wins! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chreees Posted August 5, 2012 Author Share Posted August 5, 2012 Bump. I have still yet to find a decent hookah butler! Tried out a few, but I got tired of Coleman's hipster ways, Iain was just too drunk all the damn time, Shawn wanted to be the big spoon, Ryan was too drunk and burnt his winkie on the coals because he was pantsless, and Stuie was too sexy in his uniform. Ugh... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainUM Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 what's wrong with being drunk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coleman Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 What's wrong with hipsters? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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