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Chreees

Looking For Hookah Butler

65 posts in this topic
Hello.

I am looking for a hookah butler. The requirements are as follows:

-Must be knowledgeable in hookah (obviously), and most importantly you must know how to pack Tangiers in a Tangiers phunnel bowl.
-Must know proper heat management.
-Must be able to judge when new coals should be lit.
-Must have steady hands to remove old coals and place the new ones on the bowl. Many years of masturbation have given me the shakes, unfortunately.
-Must be available at all times of the day and night, for whenever I decide to smoke. This means you will have to live in my one-bedroom apartment.
-Must be okay with living in a cozy walk-in closet. You will be locked in it at night time so you cannot kill me in my sleep. Also when I am away from home. You will have a makeshift bed, fridge (no microwave), and AM radio. Oh, and a pot to piss in.
-Must be able to adequately defend my hookahs and all hookah supplies (including coals) from the coal gnomes. If you have never battled coal gnomes before, don't bother applying for the job. They are nasty creatures and only an expert can take them down. I am skilled in the trade, but tired of fighting them, hence why you will have to do it. I would hire ferocious beasts to guard my hookah, but then that would mean I'd have to pay more than one person... fuck that.

Pay will be tree fiddy per hour.

I look forward to your applications.

Thank you,
Chreees

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if i am living in your one bedroom apartment, do i get to be the biggest spoon? im already assuming you are the big spoon normally

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chris is usually the small spoon, therefore dibs on extra big spoon on his gf ;)

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[quote name='fineout' timestamp='1320813008' post='530868']
chris is usually the small spoon, therefore dibs on extra big spoon on his gf ;)
[/quote]
[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJYxCSXjhLI"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJYxCSXjhLI[/url]

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+ 6

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Big spoon... always.

I'm totally serious here, you guise.

Ryan- a resume would be great!

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Three Fifty is a little cheap.

$400/hr instead sign me up.

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[quote name='Chreees' timestamp='1320848136' post='530906']
Big spoon... always.

I'm totally serious here, you guise.

Ryan- a resume would be great!
[/quote]

thuper therial here, guythhhhh


im the biggest spoon. this is my deal breaker. the offer of one sausage biscuit still stands, too

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[quote name='MichaelLCP' timestamp='1320868692' post='530962']
Where do I send my resume?
[/quote]

Post it here!

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Seeing as I am the first REAL female to inquire about the open position it should go to me.

Plus, i am the little spoon. -blushes- :3

tree fiddy ani't so bad..

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I was not pleased with any of the applicants thus far.

Position still available.

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[quote name='Chreees' timestamp='1330503284' post='540929']
I was not pleased with any of the applicants thus far.

Position still available.
[/quote]

I will do anything for this job. ;) anything...

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[quote name='MichaelLCP' timestamp='1330513707' post='540934']
[quote name='Chreees' timestamp='1330503284' post='540929']
I was not pleased with any of the applicants thus far.

Position still available.
[/quote]

I will do anything for this job. ;) anything...
[/quote]

I can't have anybody named Michael, because I can't yell at a Michael. It's because I love ya too damn much, Michael, that I could never yell at anyone named Michael, because everytime I would yell at Michael the Butler I would think of you.

Oh yeah, this position requires you to take verbal abuse and/or slight physical abuse.

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Got my uniform, Chris. After you see you can't turn me down....

[img]http://i40.tinypic.com/n4w8at.jpg[/img]

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[quote name='ryno' timestamp='1330536340' post='540953']
Are pants required?
[/quote]

No. Actually, they are not preferred. ;)

[quote name='Stuie' timestamp='1330537692' post='540955']
Got my uniform, Chris. After you see you can't turn me down....

[img]http://i40.tinypic.com/n4w8at.jpg[/img]
[/quote]

AWWWWWWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!

Stuie wins!

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Bump. I have still yet to find a decent hookah butler!

Tried out a few, but I got tired of Coleman's hipster ways, Iain was just too drunk all the damn time, Shawn wanted to be the big spoon, Ryan was too drunk and burnt his winkie on the coals because he was pantsless, and Stuie was too sexy in his uniform.

Ugh...

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what's wrong with being drunk?

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What's wrong with hipsters?

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