Teganv Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 [quote name='Epoch' timestamp='1323283605' post='532049'] [quote name='Teganv' timestamp='1323249016' post='531972'] I know this thread has been kinda dead for a while, but why not start it up again without the debate? Im lesbian. Simple as that. [/quote] Welcome to our club, lady. [/quote] Why thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rani Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I stayed out of this topic but I want to make a statement, and I have to try and make it somewhat carefully so it won't be misunderstood. Honestly, I don't want to hear it. But not for the reasons you might think. I have friends of all races and I have many friends who are gay, a couple transgenders I count as friends, and dated a bisexual man for almost year. And I firmly believe every woman could benefit from a great drag queen somewhere in her life. So it's not homophobia. It's about classifications I think should go away altogether, but especially when you're dealing with an online environment, where you don't know the person to hang out with. Someone's sexuality should not be a factor in anything I (or anyone else) has to do with them. My friend Toni for instance is black and lesbian. Someone once asked me to describe her. She's 5'7", my age, always wears her hair in a french twist, loves champagne like I do, has three cats, etc., etc., etc . Her skin color and the fact that the love of her life is another women shouldn't be part of the things that "classify" her or make her noted. It's not that she shouldn't be proud of her skin color or her sexual preference, but it shouldn't be something that defines her, in my view. So long as it's an issue, then it's going to be an issue. Does that make sense? So it's not that I think someone shouldn't be gay, it's that until people stop making it a definition of who someone is, then that's all they're going to see. They're rarely going to get to the real person beyond that single definition. And I think it actually in the long run hurts people who don't fit into the accepted "demographic". (I fucking hate the word "normal".) So I want to know people for who they are, not what they are. I want all the classifications to simply become non-issues. Now, I know that we're not in a state of the world where we have that, but they only way to make it happen in my belief is to treat it as if it's already that way. It's like the announcement Rosie O'Donnell was engaged. It was made that she was engaged, her fiance's name was mentioned, but the fact that it was another women wasn't in any way pointed out. The wording, the celebration of the announcement itself was completely unaffected. And that's what I believe it should be for everyone. Simply a non-issue. 'Rani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
absalom Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I agree with you in that someone's sexuality, race, gender (etc etc) should not be an issue, and that it isn't an issue for you is great. unfortunately, this is an ideal, and not part of our reality. I can give you countless examples (if you need them) of inequality towards people of color, glbt, gender that pervade our society today. a part of our society makes sexuality a HUGE issue (and a negative one, at that). one of the best ways to break the stereotypes is for people to meet (in person or online) others that are different from themselves. when we have a greater exposure and interaction with other people that we might think are different than we are, but as we get to know and understand them realize they really aren't that different, the barriers begin to break down. I have met and worked with a lot of people in my life that had negative feelings or homophobia; as they got to know me and realized I'm not a monster just cuz I'm gay, the puzzle pieces started to fit together and they eventually came around. I don't run around and parade myself as a gay man either - but I'm also not embarrassed of who I am and I'm not afraid to tell someone. so as a gay guy, I was pleased to see this thread, and even more pleased that there weren't a bunch of haters posting up in here. and maybe there are some people on the forum that aren't so comfortable with the whole lesbigay thing; but maybe as they get to know some of the members that are gay/bi/lesbian, that uncomfortableness will dissipate. knowing people for who they are also involves knowing what they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 [quote name='Rani' timestamp='1323286745' post='532062'] I stayed out of this topic but I want to make a statement, and I have to try and make it somewhat carefully so it won't be misunderstood. ....Simply a non-issue. 'Rani [/quote] Ok first of.... When I posted in this forum to get it going again...that^ was exactly what I was hoping wouldn't happen. I feel strongly about this topic, but I don't feel like this is the correct thread to be having a debate in. So...im just going to leave it alone. Rani, make another thread if you want to converse over this, don't interrupt a simple threads, topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rani Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I understand Absalom.... One of the reasons I held off joining the conversation was because I didn't know how to put into words why I feel the way I do. It's not even a comfort level for me, it's just this feeling that it shouldn't be an issue in any way, shape or form. And maybe you're right when you say that when they get to know you as more than that, those barriers come down. That works in real life when you spend time with someone. In an online community maybe that becomes the entire whole of who they think you are. I don't have answers. I only know it sincerely pisses me off when such things are an issue. I simply cannot understand why gay marriage is such a hot topic for instance. Who cares? As Whoopie Goldberg says "If you don't approve of gay marriage, don't marry a gay person." It's like everyone is threatened by just being themselves or seeing other people comfortable in their own skin. Like they feel some need to be identical fishes in a single school always going one way or the other. It appalls me how much time we waste on the superficial. What if the kid someone is raising has the potential for the cure for cancer in his head but his parents distract him by dragging him into the skinhead movement? Like I said, of answers I have none. I just know we'll never get to the end of the thousand mile journey without taking that first step. If we insist on keeping it a non-issue, then eventually it becomes a non-issue. Self-fulfilling prophecys can work in a positive direction too. 'Rani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
absalom Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 we first have to insist it's a non-issue, because right now, for many, it is. but enough. I agree with tegan. keep this simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rani Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Fair enough. 'Rani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalsmoke Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 I am going to akwardly interupt the debate and say, im a lesbian. Been in a relationship with another female for 2 years and lovin it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
absalom Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 no interruption at all - the debate is over (null) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Haha. Yes the debate is over, so carry on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epoch Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 @Herbal: Congrats on two years! @Absalom: Thanks for coming to check in with us. @Rani: Thank you for more lively discussion! I'm glad this thread made a comeback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalsmoke Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Thanks i'm hoping we'll be together a lot longer then 2 years though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 [quote name='herbalsmoke' timestamp='1323298532' post='532125'] Thanks i'm hoping we'll be together a lot longer then 2 years though! [/quote] Well let's hope so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dereksd Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Awesome thread. Im not gay or bi but im really into GLBT studies and stuff like that so its cool to see people be so open. I usually post more on another forum and im sure if this thread was there nobody would post. It kinda sucks that this even has to be brought up as it shouldn't matter but its the world we live in and thats just how it is. Really proud of anyone in this thread thats able to put themselves out there. Very cool of you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 [quote name='Dereksd' timestamp='1323375720' post='532243'] Awesome thread. Im not gay or bi but im really into GLBT studies and stuff like that so its cool to see people be so open. I usually post more on another forum and im sure if this thread was there nobody would post. It kinda sucks that this even has to be brought up as it shouldn't matter but its the world we live in and thats just how it is. Really proud of anyone in this thread thats able to put themselves out there. Very cool of you all. [/quote] I do have to confess that Im much more open about it online then I am in real life. I can take hate mail and threats, but don't like dealing with any real life bullying (been there, done that) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dereksd Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Yea I fully understand. It's sad we live in a world where you can't be open about something that's such a big part of your life without fear of physical or mental abuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 [quote name='Dereksd' timestamp='1323402220' post='532292'] Yea I fully understand. It's sad we live in a world where you can't be open about something that's such a big part of your life without fear of physical or mental abuse. [/quote] Agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epoch Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 [quote name='Dereksd' timestamp='1323402220' post='532292'] Yea I fully understand. [u][b]It's sad we live in a world where you can't be open about something that's such a big part of your life without fear of physical or mental abuse.[/b][/u] [/quote] I'm glad we can always be ourselves with each other here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 [quote name='Epoch' timestamp='1323406114' post='532307'] [quote name='Dereksd' timestamp='1323402220' post='532292'] Yea I fully understand. [u][b]It's sad we live in a world where you can't be open about something that's such a big part of your life without fear of physical or mental abuse.[/b][/u] [/quote] I'm glad we can always be ourselves with each other here. [/quote] Same. I can't even tell my family or friends about my s.o. and we've been together for 3 years. (sorry not trying to turn this into a forum about me) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epoch Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 [quote name='Teganv' timestamp='1323406561' post='532309'] [quote name='Epoch' timestamp='1323406114' post='532307'] [quote name='Dereksd' timestamp='1323402220' post='532292'] Yea I fully understand. [u][b]It's sad we live in a world where you can't be open about something that's such a big part of your life without fear of physical or mental abuse.[/b][/u] [/quote] I'm glad we can always be ourselves with each other here. [/quote] Same. I can't even tell my family or friends about my s.o. and we've been together for 3 years. (sorry not trying to turn this into a forum about me) [/quote] Hey, this topic is for all of us. You aren't hogging anything... Thankfully, as you get older and more and more independent, it gets easier to be yourself with the people in your life. I hope you can come out to your family sometime, and I hope they accept it gracefully... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 [quote name='Epoch' timestamp='1323407196' post='532313'] Hey, this topic is for all of us. You aren't hogging anything... Thankfully, as you get older and more and more independent, it gets easier to be yourself with the people in your life. I hope you can come out to your family sometime, and I hope they accept it gracefully... [/quote] Yea im working on coming out to my family and friends. Im working on saving up money to deal with the possibility of not having a place to live, (if things go bad), before I tell my parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalsmoke Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 [quote name='Teganv' timestamp='1323406561' post='532309'] [quote name='Epoch' timestamp='1323406114' post='532307'] [quote name='Dereksd' timestamp='1323402220' post='532292'] Yea I fully understand. [u][b]It's sad we live in a world where you can't be open about something that's such a big part of your life without fear of physical or mental abuse.[/b][/u] [/quote] I'm glad we can always be ourselves with each other here. [/quote] Same. I can't even tell my family or friends about my s.o. and we've been together for 3 years. (sorry not trying to turn this into a forum about me) [/quote] I hope you don't mind but here is a little advice/my story on coming out. I came out once i started dating my girlfriend. I didnt tell everybody in my whole family just the people who live in my house. So my mom and my brother knows. my mom hated it at first, thought it was a phase, hoped it was a phase. She didnt kick me out or anything but she was just dissipointed a bit. The thing is when you come out to family imo dont expect 100% positive or acceptance. It took my mom about half a year to really figure out me liking a person of the same sex doesn't change who i am, and the relationship i had with my gf was just like any other relationship. My brother was a bit embarassed at first but he just got use to it. They accept me as a person now, and i can happily go home at dinner time and tell them how my relationship is or if i got into a fight with my girlfriend and all of that. My social life outside of my home has been a bit different. I luckily live in a community where LGBT are mostly accepted. But they will only accept you if you are confident in yourself. ex. If i introduce myself to someone and i say " hey my name is an, i go to college like to smoke hookah and hang out" and later on if they find out im gay they are cool with it. But if you let your sexual orientation over power you and talk to people like " hey my name is an im gay" thats how they will remember you and you will forever be called "the gay kid" I have had many incidents where people will talk crap and all of that but i just show them i dont care, because the truth is i honestly dont care. I have had some friends that distant away from me once i told them but that just assures me i dont need them as friends in my life, and whoever accepts me and still around is my real friends. But i can honsetly say i am much happier not giving a damn about what people think and holding my girlfriends hand when i go to the mall or something and if people talk they will talk, it wont change who i am. *probably a lot of typo's my typing and spelling is horrible" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
absalom Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 well first off, congrats on coming out. it's not the easiest thing to do. fortunately I've been out for a while now and my whole family knows, as well as most of my work colleagues, and it's not an issue. with other gays in the family, that part wasn't really a concern; but I'll always remember coming out to my mom, and then a while later to my dad (my parents are divorced)...it seems like everything you know will come crashing down on you, and after it's over, you wonder what all the fuss was about. but again I've got a reasonably accepting family, and most importantly, they are people that love me for who I am. my little cousin (she's 22) recently just told her dad she's a lesbian, even though her mom has known for several years and she's always bringing girls around to family gatherings. she was so nervous about it, and when she finally told him, he was completely cool about it, said he really likes her girlfriend, and they chatted about it for a while... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teganv Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 Yea I have come out to a couple of my friends, who actually come out to me first, and where surprised when I told them I was gay too. One of those friends knows a lot of my other friends and when she came out no one cared so I came out too. It's not that I was hiding that I was gay, I just didn't talk about girls in an obvious way, which I still don't even though I am out to them. My mum and brother would be fine with me being gay, and plus my brother already practically knows, but my dad is another issue, and my grandpa well, let's just say I wouldn't have one if I did decide to come out to him. My gf lives in Montreal, so it's not like I could just bring her around every once in a while and hope they take the hint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tony33 Posted January 27, 2012 Share Posted January 27, 2012 I'm not myself, but I have at least 4 friends that I know of off the top of my head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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